Welcome back to A Slut’s Guide to Happiness, where your body is perfectly imperfect and it’s safe to be as kinky, queer, slutty, or sexual as you want. 

Today I’m talking with Diana, who is our new friend at Cliff Media, although she hung out for four days here at the Cliff House last week and did lots of fucking and lots of chatting and lots of emotionally vulnerable sharing with the group, so I don’t know if “new” friend really applies any more. Just friend friend here, which has been fabulous. I’m very glad that Diana is part of the Cliff Media community now. 

Today we get to talk about something really exciting. I have heard some people share a little bit after scenes, after big group orgy scenes, when we get together for an aftercare circle. Often people who are new say that it was a powerful experience. But I haven’t had a chance to really learn in-depth about this.

Diana proposed talking about the experience of being new to a shoot with Cliff Media. Whenever I think about being new, I always go back to my first experience in porn. I responded to an ad on SexyJobs. I went to a massage film shoot where I literally just had to lay face down. I was so nervous I was shaking.

So I’m constantly amazed at the bravery of people who show up to scenes with Cliff Media, and there’s a great diversity of people in the room. Sometimes the room is quite packed. There’s sex going on in all different kinds of ways and you just jump in not knowing what’s going to happen. I am so impressed by the bravery of people who are joining us and trusting us, believing that we are all collectively working on trying to make this a safer, positive experience.

So today I’m excited to hear Diana’s perspective. Hopefully, if you are someone who is contemplating getting involved in Cliff Media, or if you’re out in other parts of the world and you’re contemplating getting involved in porn or group sex or other things that may be scary for you, hopefully this can be helpful for you as well.

Diana, thank you so much for joining us. 

Diana: 

You’re welcome. 

Vanessa: 

And for offering us this unique perspective on, people who are new to Cliff media shoots. Can you tell us, what did you just finish doing? What was the shoot that you just got involved in before this? 

Diana: 

There were multiple scenes, the librarian’s shoot and the witches shoot, and there’s a number of others. I think I did probably about 8 or 9 of the 14 or so that were done. 

Vanessa: 

I love that so much. You came to LGBTQ shoot week. And there were 20 events – scenes and activities and you came to 8 or 9. 

Diana: 

I was here for all four days. I only stepped out of a few because I was either feeling a little bit tired or wasn’t feeling capable enough. That was like the better thing to do, just sit back and watch. 

Vanessa: 

I love that you took care of your body that way. 

Diana: 

Yeah, I kind of had to. You go that many rounds for a few days. You might be a little bit spent.

Vanessa: 

Absolutely. I don’t know how many people wake up and decide to go to nine orgies in a week.

Diana: 

Yeah, I certainly didn’t think that was going to be the case. But, I was figuring, okay, I’d come check it out, see what it was like the first day. I’ll see how it goes. And if I’m not comfortable with it, I can walk. 

But it turned out it was totally the opposite experience, because when I walked in, I immediately had Steph be disarming. She just tore down barriers without even trying. And it was just kind of awesome for that. 

Then the fact that everybody was so welcoming here and everybody was just being loving and everything, it was just kind of an awesome experience to have. 

I know people that have had connections with the regular porn industry and it’s just not the same affair. You get in, do your shoots, then you’re done. That didn’t appeal to me. But this one, I got in the middle of it, I was like a fish on a hook at that point. It was more like, I love this. 

Vanessa: 

So you said, in mainstream porn it’s more get in and get out, rather than all hanging out together for the week. What were some of the other differences that you saw, based on either your previous experiences or your expectations? 

Diana: 

Okay. Well, there were people with disabilities and they were getting in and throwing down just as much as anybody else which was cool. 

And the whole queer aspect. I don’t worry about that so much myself, but it just felt like, everybody’s across the board here, and it’s all right. That just felt good. 

It was welcoming and relaxed. If you didn’t want to participate, you didn’t have to. And those are some awesome things. That wouldn’t happen in a normal porn set. So to see that here was just kind of a neat experience. I enjoyed that. 

Besides the fact it had been a considerable amount of time since I had engaged in any sex at all. So that was kind of nice too, because it was kind of like going from 0 to 60 rather quickly. It was just like, all right. I was enjoying myself and I was a little bit worn out at the end. But that was okay. 

Vanessa: 

That’s awesome. I love that you said that it felt okay to sit out, because I feel like there’s so much expectation that you have to perform on porn, or even when you go to group events that when you’re new there that you must do something special to be welcome and wanted. 

And you felt like it was okay for you to rest at some points? 

Diana: 

Oh yeah. Or just sit back because I wasn’t quite feeling right then, if you’re not feeling the urge to want to jump in, then you shouldn’t. 

Vanessa: 

Yeah. Yeah. That’s so important to me because I think that, especially when someone is new and exploring something, it takes time to feel safe in that environment. And if someone is just there watching, that to me is enough, it’s already them taking a brave step. So I’m really glad that you felt that and that you were able to model that for other people too, sometimes. 

I want to go back before you saw before you walked in the door of the Cliff House and decided to commit to it. Why did you initially consider getting involved? 

Diana: 

I liked what was on the website, quite frankly. I initially contacted you through FetLife and everything because you had posted there about getting involved. And I was like, okay, check this out, see what’s what. 

Then I did some research on the website, and then I liked what I was reading. It just felt comfortable. It felt like I could walk in here and go, okay, I’m here. And people all too willing to play with you right away is quite hot. Especially with enthusiastic consent involved, that was even hotter. I just kind of got off on that a lot. 

Vanessa: 

I love seeing your big smile there. 

Was there a point in time where you hesitated when you doubted the idea? 

Diana: 

The second day, I was kind of back and forth a little because it was like I wanted to jump in on scenes, but everybody partnered up rather quickly, and I didn’t feel comfortable enough to jump in at that point. I was having an off day, I think. I just kind of let that happen. 

But the next day I came back with a vengeance.

Vanessa: 

That’s really helpful. I’ve experienced that for sure. Sometimes I step aside and I feel like all of these people seem to be having a good time. I’m not really needed here. That happens for me quite often. 

I think for people who are new, who have not interacted in scenes before, that can sometimes feel like it’s a personal problem. Like, oh, I’m not needed in this community. 

Diana: 

Part of it for me was my own internal dealings, and that’s what it was at the time. It was more my issue was giving myself permission and whatnot, and that’s where I was having the issue. It’s like I kind of wanted to jump in, but everybody was squared up and I didn’t feel comfortable enough to jump in at that point.

I was like, you’re a willing person on the first day and people just grabbed me and directed me. It’s like, okay, nothing like working with the willing.

Vanessa: 

What did it feel like to so explicitly practice consent? Because we used for listeners who haven’t been to a Cliff Media shoot before, we use “may I verb your noun”? May I kiss your cheek? May I suck your dick? So what was it like to do that on camera? Did it feel awkward at first or was it normal? 

Diana: 

I had no problem with that. I rather enjoyed the fact that they could have consent like that. You don’t get that regular porn and it’s like. Normally the guy comes in, he does his business then he walks up. With this is like, please, can I? Sure! That is usually my response. Okay! It was nice to have that. 

Then like I said, people like Steph were just being disarming. It was a good feeling. I ended up breaking down some barriers for myself during the course of those four days, too. I still have work to do, but I feel a lot better about things because of it.

Vanessa: 

Wow. Can you tell us more about that? 

Diana: 

Oh, you know, I mentioned a little bit about giving myself permission. And that’s kind of a big one for me. One of the things that everybody was dealing with was, a number of us are neurodivergent and possibly autistic.

That’s kind of the inner struggle I deal with on occasion, trying to allow myself to be there and allowing myself the permission. If I’m struggling with that, it isn’t going to help me. 

Vanessa: 

Oh, that feels so true. Allowing yourself permission is a huge part of what we do to put ourselves in the way of experiencing joy or connection and new experiences.

I’m wondering if we can go a little bit deeper there. What do you think was preventing you from experiencing before? What were you not giving yourself permission to do? 

Diana: 

I don’t know if I can quite articulate that well. I just did not feel that I could allow myself to jump in. I was denying myself, essentially being able to just jump in and have some fun and it shouldn’t have been like that.

But like I said, the first day went really well because I had that massive orgasm on the first day. And I was just like, oh my God, I didn’t even think I was going to get anywhere near that point. I was feeling really good the first day. The second day, I had trepidation. Then the third and fourth day I was all over. 

Vanessa: 

One of the things I talk about a lot is the idea that we are all working on unlearning the societal junk that teaches us that, for one reason or another, we are not worthy. We are the wrong color or the wrong shape, or too fat, or too old, or too trans, or too gay or whatever. And so, I think that that shows up for probably all of us at one point or another and feeling like, oh, my body, do these people want me? Do I look good on camera? Should I be here? 

How did you deal with it if any of those thoughts like that insecurity thoughts came up for you? 

Diana: 

I really wasn’t having problems with that. It was more like my own internalized issue. I was having a problem with all the rest of it. It was like nothing really, especially after the warm welcome. Everybody goes around with hugs and, thank you for being here, yada yada. I just felt very warm and welcoming and that was awesome.

That was one of the best things I liked about the whole affair, that everybody was just awesome. 

Vanessa: 

So tell us about what were some of your top memorable sex acts or sexual moments? 

Diana: 

All right, Steph making me blow on the first day. That was one of them. And I just did not expect that to happen.

I was kind of figuring, okay, you know, I have some issues and everything, and, there’s some stuff I would like to touch on a little bit further on, but I thought I was going to have issues. Then Steph made me blow on the first scene. I was just like, Holy crap. That was kind of awesome. 

And then, later on, you know, on the third day, I had my first fisting session and it was a smoother hand. Thankfully. There’s four fingers. 

And then later on we had the next shoot and I forget what the theme on that one was, but that’s the one where Hannah railed me. I was screaming out loud. Hannah packs a nine, I think. I was enjoying it. I hadn’t done it in a long time. 

One of the things I want to mention is, even though I thought I was prepared, that’s something that I should have been more prepared for beforehand. Then if I wanted to remain rigid, maybe I should have some of the blue pills. Because I have that issue. 

It was things of that nature, because I’m inexperienced with those sorts of things. I just hadn’t done it in an extended period of time and Hannah was big. It would be helpful to have a bit of a guide for newcomers. If you’re thinking of trying these things, maybe you might want to prepare for the experience if you haven’t done it in a while. That would have made the difference for me, I’m sure. 

Vanessa: 

That’s really helpful. Can you outline based on what you learned with the with anal or, I love that you talked about erectile dysfunction, because there are lots of folks who I’ve come to our shoots who have experienced that. For some people, that does look like taking blue pills, and for other people, that looks like embracing different types of sexual activities. What would you like people to know about preparing in advance of this? 

Diana: 

I would think that if you’re going to come to a porn shoot and you’re going to do anal, you best have yourself gapped out before you even arrive. Play with toys or play with other people before you come to the shoot in order to be prepared so that you don’t end up having an issue. After the scene, I ended up with my first bout of hemorrhoids. And, you know, I’ve been dealing with that since then. That hasn’t exactly been fun.

That’s the sort of thing I’d like to spare somebody else, because a little bit of information and preparedness will get you to the point where you shouldn’t have that problem. I apparently got some work to do before I can get back up to the big boys.

Vanessa: 

Yeah, taking it slow and gentle and using lots of lube, but yeah, I love that. I really try not to do things on camera that I haven’t done in my personal life because even though I know in that space, it’s completely okay to say “pause” and it’s okay to ask for someone to go slower or back off, it still sometimes feels like I’m in the moment and I don’t want to ruin it. I want to have fun, I want to perform. So I’m not engaging in the same way that I would be if I were learning at home. 

Diana: 

Well, when I did the fisting scene and Snow Queen was sitting there coaching me through it because it was my first time. 

Vanessa: 

You were taking four fingers in your ass for the first time.

Diana: 

Yeah, yeah. And I think I could eventually hit the thumb, but that was Foxie, I believe, who was taking care of that for me. I will do it again. It’s just I got some prep work to do. You know, being prepared ahead of time is going to be the thing that’s going to save me next time and hopefully not have the issues I encountered.

Vanessa: 

Do you feel like that was a thing you realized during shoot week that that was coming up for you in your body, or did you realize after? 

Diana: 

Oh no, it was afterwards. I had a little bit of a hard time when I was working with Hannah, but I was getting into it and I was ignoring the pain because I was getting into it. We were having a good time. Oh god, I was screaming. I was really screaming loud. I was enjoying it. 

It was afterwards. It took days for it to get there.

Vanessa: 

It feels so important, especially during these long shoot weeks, but even when people come to a gangbang or do one-off scenes, that afterwards there’s a physical drop. Sometimes that just looks like being tired the next day. And sometimes that looks like dealing with body pains or impact on your genitals that you didn’t realize that you had. And then there’s also the emotional consequences, even if it was really good sometimes afterwards, it can require that the time to process.

What was it like for you a couple of days after a shoot week? 

Diana: 

I was pretty much fine. I tend to rebound very quickly, and other than what I’ve already mentioned, I really did not have any problem with the aftermath. 

On the last day, I think there were only two scenes, and I only did one. I believe that was the witches scene that we did. Then there was the auto mechanic scene, and, well, I did get involved with that one a little, too, actually, now that I think about it. So. But I was basically assisting rather than jumping in because it was Snow Queen and I forget her name. They were having a good time, obviously. 

Of course you did, too. I’m just amazed how much you squirt. 

Vanessa: 

I was feeling so uninhibited that day because I was so exhausted. It’s like we’re constantly learning as we’re going through this. I feel like every time I do it, I learn more about my body.

I think I used a vibrator on you in that scene, right? 

Diana: 

Yeah, that was really neat. 

Vanessa: 

I’ve never used a vibrator on someone with a dick before. 

Diana: 

I tend to like the Hitachis. Like that one too, but unfortunately, it cuts off at 20 minutes.

Vanessa: 

So what was it like for you afterwards? You left LGBTQ shoot week and then how are you feeling about the idea of coming to this kind of messy, big, chaotic, lots of people, lots of things going on, kind of shoot space again? 

Diana: 

I don’t have a problem with it. Matter of fact, I probably will.

Vanessa: 

What did you like about it? What would make you want to come back? 

Diana: 

The fact that it was so welcoming. The fact that people were warm and genuine and that’s sexy in and of itself right there. That was another sexy thing. 

I don’t think anybody ever said no other than the trial. In the opening, we did a warm-up exercise where everyone told each other “no”.  I think that was the only time that I heard no from anybody. 

I really enjoyed the whole affair. I really did. It was just like meeting a bunch of new people and then all of a sudden, I’m, I guess I could say, friends with the majority of the people that were at the shoot. That was kind of cool.

Vanessa: 

I feel that really deeply that to me, it’s about so much more than porn and even so much more than sex that we have this, this community space and experiment together. Sometimes the moments that to me that are most memorable actually are when we’re not fucking that we’re just hanging out or laughing about something. 

Were there any particular – I don’t want to say clothed, because sometime people sit around naked – but any non-sexual moments that were memorable to you from the week? 

Diana: 

Well, you know, me and Steph kept bouncing off of each other’s energies just a bit. And we were cracking up and funny back and forth the whole time. That’s something I just naturally do. I’m playful. I like being playful. I want to be playful. Somebody is in there being playful in front of me then I’m going to be playful. So that was kind of fun, too. 

It’s a variety of things that just made the whole thing great. If I thought I had a problem with any of it, I would not have been back for the second, third or fourth days. But just because of the way that it was and everything, it was just great. 

Although I will mention I did come to the barbecue, prior to that shoot. I was hoping that would have made a difference. I kind of met a few people there, but it wasn’t the same energy as when we were in the middle of the shoot. It just seemed a little bit different. I was like okay is this going to work is what I was thinking because I was basically meeting new people for the first time and everything.

But I was also dealing with a problem with my ankle where I’ve been in pain. I wanted to hang around longer, but I just got to the point where I thought I just needed to go and take care of myself, which is what I did.

Vanessa: 

I’m glad you did that. But, yeah, it’s true. It’s kind of amazing to me that there are so many people who kind of are either leaders with Cliff Media or kind of operate within the orbit, that there were some people who came to the barbecue who were also at Shoot Work, including two people, Kitty and I’m trying to remember their stage names, Kitty, and I don’t remember what this person wants their stage name to be at the moment, so the person who played Aphrodite will say that. 

Anyway, they recently connected. They recently connected to Cliff Media through that barbecue for the first time and then were directing scenes, which is pretty freaking cool. But a lot of the folks who came to shoot week also didn’t come to the barbecue because there’s just, at this point, just a lot of people who are connected in various ways.

And one of the things that I think is exciting and beautiful to me was during that shoot week, seeing people start to brainstorm different ideas about getting involved, scenes or trainings or collective activities. One person was talking about creating a “Cliffcanic”, a group of people who take care of the cars of people in the community. 

Diana: 

And we did during that week, some heater hoses. That was more Hannah. Between Hannah, me and one other person, we were sitting there going, okay, we can make this happen. 

Vanessa: 

You fix the car for that person. 

Diana: 

And it was easy. It was an easy thing. It’s just they had to have the right parts to do it. And one of the things that they didn’t bother to include with the part that the person bought was the clip, so we had to improvise.

So they had to go buy a different unit that had a clip with a larger bite piece, where it’s supposed to lock in a place. We had to trim that down. But once we did it, it was like pop, pop. It all fell into place and everything. So that’s easy repairs. 

Vanessa: 

I love that you walked in on Thursday, new to the community, and by Saturday you’re fixing people’s cars. That’s beautiful. 

Diana: 

That’s how I was helping with it. You know, I had tools and everything. It’s like I got my tools in my trunk. Let’s go. 

Vanessa: 

Can you tell me about how you identify? Do you identify as a trans woman?

Diana: 

Yeah, I’m definitely trying to identify as a trans woman. I’m not necessarily dressing all the time just yet, but, you know, I’ve been on hormones for about the last four years. And I’m looking into possibly getting surgery. I’m supposed to have an appointment with a psychologist come Monday to talk with them a bit. 

But I can tell you the one thing that ended up making somewhat of a difference for me to consider was being able to play with Roxie. Because Roxie is transgender and I’ve talked to other people who are transgender, but I never got to experience their genitalia. 

Vanessa: 

You’re referring to her neovagina? 

Diana: 

Yeah. 

Vanessa: 

So that influenced your experience, your ideas about where you might want to go with your own body? 

Diana: 

Yeah, I’m considering that. It’s really cool. I still haven’t had bottom electrolysis. I’m trying to line that up. You have to have that before they’ll even consider doing the surgery, because you have to have all the hair removed so that they can work with it so that they don’t have follicles messing up the surgery after the fact.

Then after that, of course, you get to do the surgery, but then you’re down and out for about supposedly two months. That’s a really big commitment. 

Vanessa: 

Yeah, it is. I have to be able to cover things for that time period, too, if I’m going to do that because. In Oregon, you can get transition surgery paid for through the Oregon Health Plan, 

Vanessa: 

Gender affirming surgeries?

Diana: 

Yeah, exactly. So, you can get that accomplished. But it’s the time that you’re down. Unless you have unemployment or something going on, because they want you to be looking for work, but it’s like, well, yeah, I can look for work from bed, but I’m not getting up to do it. 

Vanessa: 

Yeah. When you’ve entirely reconstructed your body, you need time to heal. I think it’s really cool that you all were able to connect about that. 

Diana: 

Yeah. 

Vanessa: 

Being in spaces like that where there are lots of trans people who are connecting and talking together, it just feels really good. 

Diana: 

I’ve always been curious about it, but I didn’t want to be that typical weird, pervy person, like “I only want to be with you because you’re a guy” That sort of thing annoys me. I was happy to be able to play with Roxie, and it gave me more insight. I thought, wow, she is enjoying it. And therefore, you know, it might be okay to do it.

Vanessa: 

That’s so cool. I love being able to release the idea that there are things that we’re not supposed to talk about. As we get naked and we have sex with each other, then it also means that maybe we can get emotionally naked and ask each other questions that are not normalized.

Diana: 

Like I said, I remember barriers went down over the course of that weekend for me. I can’t necessarily name them all, but being able to interact with people like that was one of them. 

It was kind of nice because I tend to have a degree of reservation about everything, with problems I’ve had with people over the decades. There’s a certain amount of distrust and hesitancy because I don’t want to be hurt. That wasn’t going on here. 

Vanessa: 

What kind of queer community do you have in your life right now? 

Diana: 

I know various people through various sources. I have known people across the board pretty much at this point. My bottom line is, my big qualifier is, are you a good person? If you’re a good person, then I have no problem with you, because people who are gay, bi and trans and everything can still be bad people. I want to avoid that sort of thing. I don’t want to have people that can’t be decent and genuine in my life. It’s too much effort to have to contend with that otherwise. 

Vanessa:

I love what beautiful, positive energy that you bring to the space. I can’t count the number of times I looked over and saw you laughing or smiling at people. That just made my heart really happy. That is so incredible to me in general, looking around the room, but especially for people who are new, they’re able to bring and contribute that gift to other people. 

Diana: 

I was telling people during the course of the weekend, when I was cracking jokes and making people laugh, that’s my tonic. That’s something that helps me. At times that can be due to awkwardness. But I did not feel that was the case here whatsoever. 

It was just making people laugh and watching them smile and giggle. That can be a great thing. Me and Steph were kind of bouncing off of each other during the course of the weekend. That was fun, too, having somebody that had a sense of humor and got it. 

Vanessa: 

You mentioned that you weren’t feeling awkward. Was there any kind of sexual moment where you, normally maybe would have felt awkward, but you felt like you were able to communicate about it or, or even anything that was challenging, that maybe was awkward?

Diana: 

If something like that would have been the case, it pretty much would have happened on the first day. It really didn’t, through the course of the weekend, I do not feel that there was. Other than maybe the second day where I was having a little trouble jumping in, but that was more me. Otherwise I really did not have much of a problem at all.

Vanessa: 

That’s so cool. I love that you were able to communicate through it. Like, even, for example, sometimes someone will go in my ass and the dick is too big and have to say, wait, hold up a second. So that you were able to communicate through things like that is really neat.

I know you mentioned gaping more in advance, playing with yourself more in advance. Is there anything else that you hope that people who are new to a Cliff Media shoot would know going into it? 

Diana: 

Be clean. Hygiene. Generally wash. It’s like the whole thing with the enema. I was asking ahead of time about that. I figured that was going to be the case, but I was like, do you have any particular recommendations that you follow for that, what and how to prepare prior to it? 

I redid the enema over the course of four days, just to make sure I was clean again. There were a couple of days that I didn’t have anything go in. But still I was prepared for it should it, had it occurred. 

I just recommend making sure that you’re prepared and ready ahead of time. And if you got to take the little blue pills. So be it. I had a cock ring. I thought that would help, but it didn’t necessarily help. It was semi-rigid, but not enough to do the business. 

Vanessa: 

And those are all things that you wanted to do, like if somebody wanted to come. And I think the example I always give is, if you just I come and twist someone’s nipples, good for you. 

So you were wanting to interact in some way, receiving dick in your ass or hoping to fuck someone with your dick, but that isn’t necessary for everyone. Like if someone didn’t want to get fucked in the ass, they wouldn’t have to do enemas. But you were choosing that. And that’s cool that you felt like you had support. 

What kind of enemas did you do? Just typical water enemas, like the ones that come in the tubes?

Vanessa: 

No, I have a bag. I’ve gone through all the different things. The fleet enemas and then tried the bag for a while. 

Vanessa: 

We put in a shower enema. I did not realize how popular that would be during the shoot week. I think six different people.

Diana: 

You have to be careful about that sort of thing to boot. 

Vanessa: 

Absolutely. 

Diana: 

So that you don’t have internal damage. 

Vanessa: 

Yeah.

So another question for you is about someone looking to get into porn in general. Cliff Media is really different, because this is community organizing porn, we’re not paying anyone, which I think is so important to focus on enthusiastic consent. Other than receiving content to do with what you want and the release forms, the only payment really is joy and collectively deciding together, what do we really want to do with our bodies?

Diana: 

I can tell you my whole motivation to do this was okay, I could go get laid. I have had sporadic sex, like the last time that I had anything before that weekend was back in February, and before that, it was several years prior. I’ve gone long dry periods without. I shouldn’t have to but the hardest thing is trying to find reasonable people, kind people. 

And here it was. That was the neatest thing about it. You walk in, everybody’s like, we want to play with you. I want to play with you. 

Vanessa: 

Yay! Sex is so much fun and healing. 

So if somebody is wanting to get into porn or even going to group sex in general, what are some of the things that you would recommend people look out for? What characteristics of an organization or company would be important for you to recommend?

Diana: 

Well so far I’d have to say yours is the one that I’d recommend. But you know, it’s quite obvious why. Regular porn, it’s not like a whole lot of the stories I’ve heard about it, with all the rampant drug use and everything and alcoholism and everything connected to it. Then generally, the thing I don’t enjoy is a lot of the women look like they’re in pain when they’re having sex with these people and they’re doing it for the money. 

Now there’s some good looking women there and there is some porn that doesn’t necessarily go that way. I know Nina Hartley is a good example for that. She’s transitioned out of the way that it used to be done, she’s doing that differently, even though she’s gotta be in her 70s now. She’s still performing. But I don’t like traditional porn so much and the fact that the women seem to suffer for it, or maybe in gay porn, guys can suffer for it. 

I seen throat fucking videos and man, they just they just wrecked the people’s throats is what it’s looking like.  I like the idea that you have, it should be a joyful expression. That’s what I liked about it here. It was a joyful expression. Everybody was having a good time. It was a good fun time. Whereas in traditional porn, they’re trying to work you up.

Where did you get your inspiration from? Just out of curiosity. Because I know older porn from the 70s was different from the porn that we have nowadays. They would have more orgy scenes and everything, and it would be more relaxed. It wouldn’t be the type of shoots that they do nowadays. I don’t mind some of that older stuff as long as it doesn’t have Ron Jeremy in it.

Vanessa: 

You’re funny. So, I’ll answer your question. 

One thing before that I wanted to underscore is I hear you saying in the contrast with mainstream porn. Sometimes you see people who look like they’re getting hurt and don’t enjoy it, but they’re doing it for money. Even if you’re receiving money from a porn company, being able to say that you want to pull back, you want to stop, you want to do a little bit less, that should be encouraged rather than a problem. 

That feels really important. People should only be doing what feels good and safe and positive for their bodies. So I think if you are getting into an industry, that’s something to talk to people about. 

To your question – So I have a community organizing background. I’ve worked around immigrant organizing and organizing people who are incarcerated and who are experiencing homelessness. The thing that has always been powerful to me, seeing people come together who are often discouraged from doing things, discouraged because of their identity or what’s going on in their social location, people who are otherwise encouraged to be quiet about their lives. 

The same kind of mentality is what drives me in this work, seeing people who might feel like, I’m too slutty, or I’m trans, or  I’m gay, or I’m too brown, or I’m not supposed to be sharing my story, the porn industry is not the space for me. I’m not supposed to be sexual. And then realizing like, wait a second, there are a bunch of us affirming each other and our slutty, supposedly perverted or inappropriate or taboo lives. 

There’s something beautiful here in being able to release that and just feel free and powerful in our own choices. That is the core of what makes me happy even more than the orgasms.

Diana: 

I just know that, like, when I was giving oral, I was having problems with mucus through the whole weekend, and that was annoying because it was making it hard to do anything. 

Then at one point, Steph says you’re anointing us with the holy water while I’m blowing Steph. I just nodded and out of both sides of my nose, I just blew on my face and I’m like, excuse me.

Vanessa: 

Yeah. That messiness is human reality. And it’s so cool that you were able to talk about it. 

Diana: 

Yeah, I was worried about things like that because nobody wants to fart on screen. That would have been embarrassing for me had I done that. 

Vanessa: 

I totally get it. There have been many moments where I am orgasming really hard, and then I fart right as I’m about to have the hottest orgasm. I used to cut that out, and now I intentionally leave silly things like that in just to show like no matter who is participating in porn, this is the human experience. 

So I want to leave this with a love note to anyone who is contemplating getting involved in Cliff Media. 

It’s really important to me that folks know that being important isn’t for everyone. You and I are now all over the internet or soon will be after we edit those videos. Our faces are out there in our beauty, having fun on camera. That’s not for everyone. I only want people to come if they’re excited about that and sure that that’s what they want. 

But if there is someone who is sure they want to be involved but is still feeling nervous about participating, what would you say to them?

Diana: 

Show up. Don’t hesitate to show up. It’s like the warmth and the welcoming that occurred when I walked through the door. That was just part of the thing that said, okay, I can do this. That was, one of the nifty things about the whole experience is just watching and being welcome, being acknowledged, and being able to get freaky. 

Like I said, I went through a long, dry spell and I didn’t know how far I’d get, but I figured you know, I could come here. That would be alright. Everybody is STD tested beforehand. 

I found it to be a beautiful experience. 

Vanessa: 

I love hearing this and having seen your smile and the ways you’re connecting with people and putting yourself out there. I’m so excited for when you’re leading one of the scenes, imagining that fantasy and then inviting and teaching people, encouraging people into that fantasy.

That’s just the thing for me is like seeing queer and trans people, seeing people with disabilities, seeing Black, Indigenous, and people of color who maybe wouldn’t normally be taking up space in the porn industry, telling their stories and instead being like, wait a second, our stories matter, Our fun and joy and community matters. And being able to leave that just on its own. 

Nobody is, you know, one person in charge telling everyone what to do. If you have an idea, if you want to be part of the community and lead, go for it. I’m so excited for seeing people do that. 

Diana: 

It didn’t hurt that you had Emotional Support Sluts. 

Vanessa: 

That’s true because there are so many times that people have experiences. Actually, my partner is very into taking big dicks and dildos lately. He did that on camera, had some injury unintentionally and it was really cool that the emotional support team was able to go and help him.

I was so busy in the scene, I didn’t realize it, but they were able to sit down with him, help him realize his injury was okay and temporary. They put some cream on him and calmed him down. 

So I’m really grateful that everybody has their role in that space. 

Diana: 

Oh, there was also the point where he  came out, and he was hurting, and he just laid it on the line. He started crying because he was really feeling messed up about it all and everything. Later on, I took him aside and I said, it’s okay. You be you. I looked at him and said, I’ve felt your pain. Everybody’s been there. 

Vanessa: 

For context, my partner has been sucking dick for 20 years, but came from a homophobic environment. So you and other folks being able to create this scene on the spot, this witchy scene, but affirming that you are queer, you don’t have to do anything else to prove that you belong to this community. You just really jumped in to support him. He was crying those good tears, like healing tears. I appreciate you being part of that moment. 

Diana: 

Oh yeah. I didn’t get to do it right away. But I eventually went to him and just told him that it’s all right, you do you. I think he needed that reassurance. 

Vanessa: 

There was one more moment that I noticed that I wanted to mention before I closed out that you did that was beautiful. There was a person who came and I’ll leave their name out, but they were really, really nervous. And we had Gabriel filming the documentary. I often forget, because Gabriel is such a good friend, to me, he’s just chillin, one of us, so I often forget that his camera is rolling – until that moment where this new person expressed that they were nervous that they were being filmed even when we’re off camera

It’s super important that if someone says they want the camera to stop, that’s totally okay. But they wanted the camera to continue, they were just nervous and feeling nervous through the scene. And I remember hearing afterwards, when they expressed that they enjoyed it, you were saying “Welcome.”

It was so cool that a few days ago, you had joined us, but now you are owning the fact that you don’t have to wait for someone to give permission to know that you are part of the community or a leader in the community because of the way that you hold the space. Three days later, you are welcoming a new person in and helping them feel included and wanted. That was awesome. 

Diana: 

Little things like that help. Especially if somebody is having a moment of trepidation or uneasiness, sometimes just tipping the scale like that makes a difference.

Vanessa: 

Yeah, yeah. All the complex, beautiful things that can never be planned. And I think if we did try to plan them, it would be such a loss, those spontaneous experiences just fill my heart with joy, seeing and having the amazing honor of getting to be part of. 

This has been another edition of A Slut’s Guide to Happiness with your host, Vanessa Cliff and our beautiful guest, Diana.

You can find us wherever you get your podcasts, including Apple and Spotify, as well as on cliffmediaproductions.com

Please help us out by liking and sharing this podcast, and stay tuned for more deep dives into beautiful, messy, fun waters.

If you’re over the age of 18, you can also check out our video content, including some amazing scenes, co-starring Diana, some of these scenes that we have been talking about, on our website, cliffmediaproductions.com

And most of all, I invite you to join us in the pleasure of being awkwardly human, naked and without pretense. 

Let’s get free.