Welcome back to A Slut’s Guide to Happiness, where your body is perfectly imperfect and it is safe to be as sexual, kinky, queer, or slutty as you want. 

As you know, I love wearing costumes and cool clothes that express joy, slutty fun, or my feelings about being the world. So today’s shirt says “Rule Number One: Fuck What They Think.”

The reason why I love the shirt isn’t necessarily because I think that other people’s ideas don’t matter. Actually, quite the opposite. I think that all ideas are the product of collective thought and knowledge. We build ideas together, and I think that learning from each other is super important. 

Getting feedback, especially from those people who are close to you, who believe in what you’re doing, who believe in you, who want to build beautiful things together is hugely valuable for personal growth.

But the people who just want to shame you for your joy aren’t worth your time, attention or energy. So fuck what they think. If they have a problem with your joy, fuck what they think. That’s really relevant to what we’ll get into in just a little minute. 

I also want to share some exciting news before we get into today’s topic, that today for the first time, we are recording in what will become the podcast studio of the Cliff House.

The Cliff House, in addition to the podcast studio, also is a community space upstairs for sex workers, queer community porn creators, slutty people, and general good-hearted, loving people. It’s ours to share, ours to live in freedom, joy, creativity, care, forgiveness, non-judgment, sharing, and hope. And I cannot wait to build beautiful things here with you. 

Today you’re going to get a juicy and insightful behind-the-scenes look into a part of the world that rarely shows up in public conversation.

I’m so excited to talk to my friend, a fabulous adult actress, scene writer, director and the Chaos Queen at Cliff Media, Roxie Valentine. 

I know a lot of people watch gangbang porn. I know that because literally millions of people have watched our work online, and I’ve talked with dozens of people over the past few years who have messaged me expressing their shared interest in gangbang porn and how much it means to them.

Research also supports this, despite the stigma and silence often attached to gangbang porn and gangbangs in general. A 2019 randomized survey of 4,000 Americans found that multi-partner sex, including threesomes, orgies and gangbangs is actually the most common sexual fantasy. 

There’s also a stereotype that gangbangs are a male fantasy. A study released by PornHub found that “gangbang” was actually the seventh most popular search term for women, and women are 113% more likely to search for “hardcore” porn, including search terms like gangbang, rough sex, and double penetration. 

There’s a wave of kink-shaming feminism, which is obviously not all feminism. There’s so many different ways that feminism expresses itself, but there is a specific branch of feminism that considers kink or porn to be a universally harmful thing. 

I would say to people who universally, indiscriminately equate gangbangs to violence is not consistent with how many women are pursuing their own sexual fantasies. By shaming a common desire, it is limiting women’s autonomy and personal power to confidently choose whatever gives them joy.

From this premise, I am excited to tell you about an experience Roxie and I had yesterday. In particular, Roxie is going to be sharing some amazing things that happened yesterday at a Cliff Media shoot. 

Roxie, thanks for telling us your experience getting fucked by a lot of people and leading the space, designing the culture of the space, developing the scene plans and leading the acting in it. It was incredible to watch you. I can’t wait for our viewers to hear more about your perspective. 

Today we’re going to talk about things like what it feels like from the perspective of a woman at the center of the gangbang and what characteristics of a gangbang event help to make it a more positive experience? 

Roxie is also a fabulous out trans woman. So we’ll also be discussing what it’s like to participate in a gangbang as a trans woman. 

Thank you so much for joining us today. 

Roxie: 

Thank you for having me here again. 

Vanessa: 

Yesterday, Roxie and I were at the center of two gangbang scenes filmed through Cliff Media, our women and queer-led porn company.

If you’re over the age of 18 and you want to watch the scene that we did, the two scenes we did, you can find the full videos on his website, cliffmediaproductions.com, or on Roxie’s OnlyFans page, SourCandi. This episode is a behind-the-scenes look at the experience. It was so much fucking fun to do this. Roxie, can you give us the basic overview? Let’s start with the the basic details. Where was it? How many people were there? And what things did we do? 

Roxie: 

We shot this at a mutual friend’s house not far from Portland. I would say 12 people showed up to participate, in addition to our videographer crew and the folks who own the house. So 12 other folks came to fuck us. 

Vanessa: 

That seems right. 

Roxie: 

I think the crew was about 4 or 5 people. We did two scenes. One was more romantic and one was more hardcore. The first was the Kinky Queer Gift of the Magi, which I particularly loved. That was your scene. I mean, it was both of your scene, but you’re the one who came up with it. 

Vanessa: 

It was one of my fantasies. 

Roxie: 

That’s one I love about doing porn. I really want to do this in my life. I have this fantasy, and I can do it. Just make it happen. Manifest it in the most powerful way you can, while showing the rest of the world. 

In the Kinky Queer Gift of the Magi, we were two very vanilla lesbians celebrating our anniversary. We happened to give each other very similar gifts, at the same time, a bukkake gangbang for you and an anal gangbang for me, revealing that we are not as vanilla as we looked. 

We had both planned the gangbang gift for the same night. So, by the end of the scene, you were absolutely covered in cum and I had had some of the hardest fucking that I’ve ever had in my life.

Vanessa: 

That’s amazing. 

Roxie: 

Yeah, I went in with the stated goal of being cock drunk at the end of the gangbang, and I can say that I was. 

Vanessa: 

Yay, I love that. So what was the second scene, the one you scripted? 

Roxie: 

So the second scene was really fun. It was very campy. As I usually like to do with my scenes. Porn is already silly, something Vanessa has said to me before, so I kind of lean in. 

It was an infomercial for a gangbang hotline in the style of the 90s infomercials. It is complete with a scene where, after editing, there’s going to be a big red X over me performing an action.

Basically, my character is bored of masturbating. They’ve used their hands, they’ve used dildos, and nothing seems to work. 

Vanessa: 

Roxie’s bored face while sliding a big dildo in their ass is pretty incredible.

Roxie: 

I hope I was selling it. 

Vanessa: 

Oh, yeah. 

Roxie: 

Once given the phone number and told to call right now, I do, and I order one “deluxe gangbang back door style”. Then, almost right away the gangbang hotline, led by the most gorgeous hostess. Can I say what your dress was?

It’s a dress made out of “warning” tape that was so delicious. I wanted to rip it off you first time inside. 

Vanessa: 

Well, you managed not to. I kept it on the whole time. It was a warning to you. It was like you were about to get the hardest gangbang fucking of your life. 

Roxie: 

And that was accurate. Yeah, at least the hottest one. 

Vanessa: 

I love that. 

Roxie: 

No, like physically hottest. It was burning up in there. 

Vanessa: 

Yes, because this was summer and we had to turn the fans in the house off during the scene for the camera. Porn logistics in real time. I think some people went in the backyard to get hosed off at the end. 

Roxie: 

Yeah, that really made me laugh. 

But no, I had a really good time in both scenes. 

Vanessa: 

That’s amazing. So this was definitely not your first time on camera. You have been performing and directing scenes with Cliff Media for a hot minute. But this was your first gangbang, right? 

Roxie: 

This was my first gangbang. This was my first spit roast. This was my first. 

Vanessa: 

Oh my gosh, and it was a camera. You were a brave human. So what in the world made you want to do this? 

Roxie: 

It’s been a fantasy of mine. Gangbangs always seemed very hedonistic and animalistic. The desire to be used as an item of sexual desire, by a bunch of random people is, I think, a powerful one. 

I didn’t feel humiliated. In a way, I felt elevated. I was like an object of desire to all these people. They all want to shove their hard dicks into me. 

I get to reap the benefits of that and I get to the fruits of the benefits of multiple partners. Meaning, when one person loses stamina, then there’s just another person there who can continue because you’re just loving more and more and more because I just want more and more and more.

I have rarely found a single partner who can keep up with my desires. So to have multiple partners was exhilarating. 

Vanessa: 

I think about the consent circle that we did at the beginning, which is not just like, yes, you can do this and you can do that. We’re talking about, what are your “hell yes’s”? And I loved when you said, I don’t want you to ignore me, which people did not. There were many times where I looked over and I was like, damn, they surrounded her. 

And you expressed that you wanted to be used. You want to be used like what did you say, “like a nasty horror”. 

Roxie: 

I remember telling you I wanted hard animalistic fucking in the second scene. But, I told them that, except for kissing, I didn’t want to be asked for consent. I gave everyone blanket consent to use my body as they wished. That was part of the fantasy for me, to be an object. 

Vanessa: 

That’s one of the things that I learned about feminism or, femininity for me. Embracing being a sexual object can actually be a source of personal power when it’s what you’re desiring.

Roxie: 

Exactly. If someone else wanted me to be a sexual object or was forcing me into that role, that gives me the ick.

Vanessa: 

Even as a person who wants that when you want it. 

Roxie: 

Exactly. Yeah. That’s the important part, it’s when I want it, when I seek it out, when I choose it. That’s the empowering part. That’s the part that makes me feel good about it. 

Vanessa: 

It’s like how in my personal life at home there is, you know sometimes where I will love playing with free use. I’ve many partners but there are some people who I give free use to and some people I don’t. That doesn’t mean that I’d ever want a random person to walk in the door. It’s a specific arrangement. Context matters. People matter. Time and place matters. 

It’s significant that even though you were the center of the gangbang and being used like an object, you were very much in control in that space. You were leading the scenes. 

You were telling folks, there were lots of people of different genders, so the men and women and genderqueer folks, when to come in and out of the scene, and in what ways to fuck you, you describe in advance. So you were both the recipient of the fucking but also the person in power. 

Roxie: 

I would even view it one step removed as still being empowering. If I gave someone else the option of, I will fuck anyone you tell me to. I find that hot and empowering. For the right person, the right context and choosing that scenario. 

Vanessa: 

Right, enthusiastic consent doesn’t necessarily mean, can I touch your shoulder now? Can I touch your head now? Enthusiastic consent can look different based on the desires of the person and the people who are participating. That can be discussed in advance. 

Roxie: 

Yeah, absolutely. It if everyone is an adult and enthusiastically consenting and no, it’s the risks of what they’re doing then like that should be something celebrated. That should be a wonderful, beautiful thing. 

Vanessa: 

I love this conversation about power and consent. I’m going to hop over to a little bit more superficial topic. But folks who want to go into a gangbang have asked me in the past, how do you prepare for it? What do you eat, how do you prepare your ass? How do you prepare your body? What do you think about in advance? 

Roxie: 

I got parts of myself waxed, my ass and my legs. Right now, as a post-op trans woman, it’s too early for me to get waxed in my bikini area. Hurts like a bitch. I’ve tried it. And I realized it was too soon, and I’m going to take my time trying that again. So I just shaved my pubic area. 

I even got my eyebrows waxed. I got you to help me with my makeup. I practiced some of my deep throating skills. 

Vanessa: 

You got a fuck buddy to help you? 

Roxie: 

I got a fuck buddy to help me with that. I did think about getting one of those soft double-ended go-gos to use as a toy. I’ve heard those are good, but I did not pick one up. For dildos, I did pick up a technical dildo, which is in the scene, I believe. 

Vanessa: 

Was someone fucking you with the dildo?

Roxie: 

No. But it prepared my ass to be that much wider. It’s three inches in diameter. I have been able to take that all the way before and it’s kind of exhilarating. That’s how I was able to take your fist on the boat.

Vanessa: 

I saw someone was fisting you in the scene, right? 

Roxie: 

No, no, it was four fingers. I almost told them we were getting close, 1 or 2 times in the scene. where I almost said stop, stop doing that. 

Vanessa: 

Which would have been completely fine. 

Roxie: 

Completely fine. But it was right on the edge. And I do like a little pain with my pleasure. 

Roxie: 

What did you eat? I’ll be honest, I kind of ate whatever I normally do. I have a shower enema set which I used the day before for about an hour and a half. There was a certain point where my guts started to feel a little ravaged, and I decided I’m not going to push it past this. And if anything happens – which it did, we’ll get into that – I decided if anything happens, something happens. 

Vanessa: 

Yeah, totally. 

Roxie: 

I’m not going to endanger my health for the shoot right? 

Vanessa: 

Right. This is fun pain, fun. Not damaging yourself kind of pain. And I feel like a lot of that comes from embracing that we’re human. Bodies do what they do. Sometimes it’s awkward. It’s totally okay. 

Typically when I’m preparing for a gangbang – and I did this a lot more in the past when I was doing mainstream point and before I really internalized that whatever bodies do is fine –  I would eat bananas, rice, almonds, those kind of things are usually pretty like pass through in easy ways or soft on your stomach for the week leading up to it or three days leading up to it.

I have recently found that enemas make me feel like it moves out the toxins from my body. So sometimes I enjoy it and sometimes it’s exhausting. 

Roxie: 

Sometimes it’s a lot, as I found out. 

Vanessa: 

I just moved into the Cliff house. And there’s no hot water here yet. So I called up my friend who has a boat and I went to the marina and stayed in the bathroom there for two hours. But finally I decided I gotta go to sleep. 

Roxie: 

Yeah, it’s a lot. It’s tiring just preparing for something like this. I spent money on a new costume, which I wore for season two.

Vanessa: 

So cute. 

Roxie: 

Thank you. Yeah, I really like it. I wish I’d gotten the garter snap done, but we just didn’t have time. 

Vanessa: 

Yeah, you were getting dressed on camera. That was part of the script. 

Roxie: 

Yeah. I had to get myself mentally prepared as well. 

Vanessa: 

What did you do for that? 

Roxie: 

Well I called you about five times. 

Vanessa: 

I loved that. 

Roxie: 

I reached out to a couple of people and I said, hey, I’m nervous. The first person gave me no sympathy, and that just doesn’t fly. So I contacted you because I knew you would be someone I could talk to about this. 

Vanessa: 

I remember one of the things that I was sharing with you is that I get nervous every single time. I actually think that getting nervous is a beautiful, powerful thing because it means that you’re pushing yourself to explore and experience new things in the world, and it gives your body the energy. 

It’s very similar to the feeling of excitement. Your body is preparing itself to rise to the occasion. 

The other thing I was going to mention as we’re talking about these enemas and all the preparing that goes into this, it’s very similar to extreme sports. People aren’t critical of challenging and pushing yourself for a marathon, thinking about your eating in advance or preparing your sleep the days before you are a physical sport. Of course you prepare. It’s like it’s just part of leading up to doing something exciting and big. 

Roxie: 

Swimmers shave their legs. The champion hot dog eater would go jogging with a belly full of water. Seems extreme, but to some people, what we do is extreme. It’s all context. Everything’s relative.

Vanessa: 

I want to go to some of the opening experiences. When we first start a shoot, we go for release forms. It’s the very best part. 

Roxie: 

That’s everybody’s favorite. I get so horny for it. 

Vanessa: 

I’m taking pictures of people and feeling turned on, yeah. But really, without the release forms, this wouldn’t be legal and it wouldn’t be ethical. Because we need people to know your sex, your body, your voice, all of it is going all over the internet. Please don’t do this unless you really are excited to do this, not just consent to it, but enthusiastically consent to it. 

Then we get in a circle and I blab at people for a while, including sharing the four values of Cliff Media, sharing some of the principles of the way that we’re going to interact in the scene. Talk about consent. “May I touch your shoulder?” “May I [verb] your [noun]?”

Then we go around in a circle and everyone shares their sexual hell yes’s and no’s. As people introduce themselves to their names, their gender pronouns. 

I want to ask you, as you’re looking around knowing that these people are all about to fuck you, what were you feeling and thinking? What were some of the fears and excitement that you were experiencing? 

Roxie: 

I couldn’t even look at the people that were going to fuck me. I focused on the few people that I already knew there. You saw me cuddling with one of them. They just happened to lie down, and I said, I could use a good cuddle right now. It was very relaxing. 

But for the most part, I actually was so nervous. I didn’t interact with anyone until after scene one. I just kind of kept to myself and was very shy. Which is a little ironic considering what we were about to do, but that’s just me. 

Vanessa: 

Yeah, I think about how a lot of the people who come are shy or are introverted, but just because you’re introverted doesn’t mean that you don’t want connection. I actually think human connection is kind of a universal desire. It’s neat that you were able to get what you wanted from cuddles from one person, while also kind of implicitly setting your boundaries, saying, I value you all, I’m just not ready to be engaged in conversation yet. 

So you were not looking around the room at people’s faces while they were talking. 

Roxie: 

Not really, no. I think at a certain point right before we started, I went down the hall and I introduced myself to a lot of people. But that was right before the start. If I remember correctly, the whole day’s kind of a blur…

Vanessa: 

It’s like you were busy getting dick drunk or something. 

Roxie: 

Absolutely. I hope you don’t have any questions about who did what to me, because I cannot tell you at all. 

Vanessa: 

Oh, no. I was looking back at some of the pictures a variety of times where I am grinning at somebody. I went to try to tag them on FetLife. And then I realized, I don’t actually know whose body part that is. 

That’s kind of a beautiful thing because like, while you’re in that space, it’s giving trust, including there’s a lot of people there who, they applied, they send in their STI results, and they agreed to abide by the values of the community. Beyond that, I don’t know who these people are from Adam, but we’ve we’ve we’ve consented. We’ve built in the community trust to say, random person, get behind me while another person is in my mouth. Go for it. 

Roxie: 

That’s kind of what I like about those circles. You get a little bit of introduction to everyone. You get a little bit of what they’re really enthused about, what they’re really not enthusiastic about. You create an inherent trust before the scene. 

I’ve expressed my boundaries. I trust you all to observe them. I trust you all are going to be safe sexual partners for me because of all the work that you put in getting these tests, vetting people before they enter the space and sometimes vetting people after they enter the space.

Vanessa: 

That’s true. We do say if you’re not comfortable with some of the expectations of the space, there’s the door. We respect you and there’s lots of other spaces in the world. 

The other thing is, I think about when you trust the people, people are more likely to be trustworthy. They’re more likely to rise to the occasion. I’ve very rarely had moments that I’ve seen people do anything that was a concern.

Roxie: 

I feel like the vibe yesterday was a lot of really good, kind people. Chill, really nice. I got along with most everyone, almost a jovial vibe. It was kind of like a little party, a fuck party.

Vanessa: 

That’s right. The best kind. 

I also loved that even though it was a gangbang, which is typically what people think about as a woman at the center of a bunch of dudes with big dicks, we were working at undoing that. There were people of all different body types and also people of all different genders. They were a couple of people who are trans or genderqueer. 

Even the people who seemed like cis straight dudes, I feel like people got that this was a queer- and trans-led space. It’s not about policing, transphobia, ageism or fatphobia racism. It’s about imagining a future together where there’s something free beyond that.

I wanted to ask you, from your perspective, I know that we’re always working to build safer spaces, but there’s no such thing as a safe space, and there’s always room for learning and growth. What was it like for you as a trans woman in that space? What were some of the things that felt good and exciting? What were some of the things that were challenges? 

Roxie: 

That’s a really good question that I have not thought anything about beforehand. 

Vanessa: 

The fact that you’re saying that you haven’t thought about it suggests to me that it wasn’t like forefront in your mind. You weren’t feeling like you were being interacted with as a trans woman, you were there as a woman in the space. 

Roxie: 

Yeah. I have felt that same feeling so often in Cliff Media spaces, that I am just a woman as as any other. My transness has not, I felt been highlighted in any negative way. If anything, it’s been celebrated. 

Vanessa: 

Fuck yeah for your trans power in the world. 

Roxie: 

Yeah. And I leave Clif Media spaces and I experience other kinds of attention to my being trans or I get “sir”ed or “mister”ed. And I have to remember not every space is like Cliff Media. I think what you’ve cultivated here is really special. 

Vanessa: 

Well, we. 

Roxie: 

Yeah, what we’ve cultivated.

Vanessa: 

I think in particular like I say, we’ve and I really think that it’s about like when someone like you is able to say I am trans, even though I think in many cases you could just not say that. You could be read as a woman, period. But you choose to add the adjective, which I think is powerful because it creates space for other trans people to feel like hell yeah, me too.

One of the things that you were saying during the opening circle was, “I hope that people don’t ignore me.” There were many times where I was enjoying really hard fucking and I looked over and there was like a crowd of people around you. It was fantastic. 

Roxie: 

I felt encircled multiple times, especially during the first scene. Yeah. On the one hand, it was great for my ADHD. I was never not mentally there. Sometimes I was mentally like riding the bliss train, but I was never not present. I was never like, oh, I wonder what I’ll get at the store today after this. I felt very present. 

Vanessa: 

That’s one of the things I love about sex in general, but particularly sex that’s challenging or pushing my body or all consuming like that because you’re not worried. There isn’t space in your mind to think about those other normal anxieties. You’re just there. It’s like meditation. 

Roxie: 

I love sex that is involving. When I find that, I go back to it. That’s how you get the second date involving sex. Make me feel present in the moment. 

Yeah, it was delightful. 

Vanessa: 

That’s fabulous. I think one of my favorite experiences was in the startup scene when we were really deeply connected. You’re such a good actress. We also just have this fabulous way of playing off each other. So I felt like we were really setting the stage. We did this eight minutes of romantic lovemaking, sex and exchanging the presents.

And then even though after all the folks came in and you were on a different bed than me, I could still hear you cumming. I could hear you moaning or people coming on you, and it was turning me on, looking over. In the context of the scene, I was able to say, “Hell yeah, fuck my girlfriend. Get her, get her! You’re so hot, baby.” 

That was one of my favorite things. We’re interacting with these other people fucking us and we’re still doing this together. I can imagine it as an experience in off-camera personal life, in a non-monogamous relationship, even if your body parts aren’t actually in the body parts of your partner, it can still be a shared experience. 

I’m interested in knowing what were some of the things that you really enjoyed other than being dick drunk and being present in the moment?

Roxie: 

I think I confirmed that I’m a little bit of a size queen. Getting fucked by the more well-endowed than average was a sharp experience in my brain. I can pinpoint when I was really getting dicked down hard. It would focus my energies in that area. That’s not to say that I enjoy the less well-endowed any differently. But I have found that I do have a preference. 

Vanessa: 

One of the things that I love about you knowing that for yourself is that if people have different sized bodies, differently sized cocks, then fingers or fists or dildos can also provide the same pleasure that you’re looking for.

Roxie: 

Absolutely. 

Vanessa: 

There’s more than one way to to fuck someone who wants to get their ass stretched.

Roxie: 

Yeah, some wonderful toys exist out there including hollow strap ons. The options are limitless. 

Vanessa: 

So you loved the big insertions. What else happened? 

Roxie: 

My face got sandwiched into a lot of stuff. People shoving my head down or deep-throating someone and they just started slapping me in the face. 

Vanessa: 

Oh my gosh. Tell people about the spray that you got for us. 

Roxie: 

I think the spray got more on our camera person than it did on me, honestly. Are you talking about the guy jerking off on my face? 

Vanessa: 

Oh. Tell me that. Yes. And then I was also curious about the bottle, but, yes, I didn’t know about the cum on your face.

Roxie: 

Yeah. Two people came on me during the first scene. One was more on my chest. One was more on my face. I heard later from one of our camera people that the more junior camera person who was following me during scene one. They were caught in the blast area. This guy’s jerking off, aimed at my face, and he shot wildly, going everywhere. I thought it was going to be in my hair. I did not know that it had blasted a huge load of cum onto our camera person’s thigh. 

Vanessa: 

So that was Hazel havoc, who has been on this podcast, and Orion Pax is also on this podcast, they were both filming. Orion Pax is super gay. Hazel is super pansexual, kinky, queer and was also talking about how like, it’s undoing the straight male gaze. 

She was describing the excitement about being a queer woman who was there filming. Particularly she was focused on you, which I loved, and she was able to think about what would it look like for women and queer people to watch this experience, rather than just straight male gaze? 

One of the things I think about is like the people who are fucking us, they’re not just stunt cocks. They had amazing facial expressions, getting touched on different parts of their body. I love having everyone there represented in their whole personhood. 

That’s really funny though, that there was some incidental spray. That’s a reality, if you’re going to be at a gangbang. 

Roxie: 

I remember when we had our meeting about videography, and I was learning how to be a camera person. You said, you’re going to get squirt on you. Just cum ready. You might just wear it on your face. 

Vanessa: 

Yeah. If you’re going to go down the water slide, you’re going to get wet. 

In the line of people taking on the realities of sex and the messiness of sex. you also did an incredible job handling some things that came up with your body. Do you want to talk about that? 

Roxie: 

In scene two, there was an accident, whether it was caused by diet or cleaning or, I was using a CBD suppository that eases anal sex there. Fantastic. I recommend them. 

Vanessa: 

You can get them at Ulta, of all places. Go ask them for an anal sex CBD suppository and watch the cashier’s face. It’s very cute. 

Roxie: 

What I found out is that, north Washington has some in stores, but south Washington doesn’t. 

But, I had put it in at the wrong time. I didn’t give it the 20 minutes, so I noticed that there were little bits of it coming out, along with other, more questionable, fluids and so on. I cleaned up, just doing it discreetly. I don’t care who’s around. I want to move on to the next thing. I want to keep going. 

It continued to be a problem, so I just asked for us to wrap the scene. Sometimes real life really does write the script. 

But we recovered really well, I think. We were still able to do the original ending, which I thought was a really fun ending. 

Vanessa: 

Yes! It was, “Alright folks, thanks for providing the deluxe back door gangbang.” And then what did you say?

Roxie: 

“Vanessa, can I go again?”

Vanessa: 

“Oh my gosh, you really are, thirsty for again, real love.” 

Vanessa: 

I think that one of the things that’s amazing about the realities of sex and the messiness of sex is, for example, there is no situation in US culture where it is encouraged to have a bunch of people watch you poop. But poop happens during sex. If you’re gonna put something in someone’s butt, there’s other things that are in that butt. 

So I feel like there’s this beautiful release of inhibition and the capacity to realize we’re humans connecting with other humans.

I also think that, like when we have these bodily connections, when we have these bodily vulnerabilities, it creates more space for emotional vulnerability too.

Roxie: 

Yeah. There was a lot of emotional vulnerability. I think I would like to mention that one of the realities of being a post-op trans woman is that I have to dilate. 

Vanessa: 

Can you help folks understand what that means? 

Roxie: 

I have a neovagina as opposed to a natovagina, one bestowed at birth. A neovagina needs to be stretched out regularly or it tries to shrink. For some people, it can collapse if you don’t dilate frequently enough, or if the scar tissue is too strong or circumstances happen. 

So it’s important for me to keep up with my dilation. But due to life circumstances, I haven’t been able to. Dilation can be very painful, which I’m seeing my doctor about. 

But that means that typically, for both personal life and in my professional sex life, I’m doing anal only. I would like there to be a day that I can utilize my vagina in my person and professional life. I would love to have a three-hole air tight, triple penetration. But that’s just not in the stars for me right now. 

So that’s why I was anal-only for the gangbang, for both scenes. I think that’s also one component of why I had leakage, because I was doing nothing but getting anal sex for two hours. 

Vanessa: 

Do you feel like there was any interpersonal response to your choice not to have virginal sex?

Roxie: 

I have had interpersonal responses from other people. Not at Cliff Media. We have created a very welcoming and respectful community where your body is your choice. How you use your body is respected by everyone around you. And no one is going to be like, “well, are you sure?” or “we really need you to give up on your boundaries for the sake of a scene.”  

If you want to show up and just get your nipples twisted and twist someone else’s nipples, and that’s all you want to do, that’s okay at a Cliff Media shoot. 

Vanessa: 

Yeah. Go for it. Live your life. Which includes being able to identify what freedom and joy looks like for you. Boundaries are powerful things. 

I want to ask you, would you ever do this again? 

Roxie: 

Absolutely. 

Vanessa: 

Yay!

Roxie: 

I look forward to it. This might be a new thing for me. 

Vanessa: 

I want to close with a love note to people of all genders, especially cis and trans women, who might want to try out a gangbang their own. What would you recommend to women or folks who are fantasizing about a gangbang, how to have a good experience?

Roxie: 

Do one with someone you trust. I trusted you to help me create a space where I would be respected, and disrespected in the way that I wanted. I felt safe knowing that you and the rest of the crew were there. 

I would say, don’t don’t do it yourself, at least not the first time. Have people that you trust there that you can lean on. You’ll need support both before and after. After the gangbang, I was very disoriented. 

Vanessa: 

Did someone get you some water? 

Roxie: 

I got me some water. I was in a space where I could do that. But everyone was looking out for me. 

Vanessa: 

I love that. Finding people that you can trust to make it happen, especially when it’s new. Also, organizing a gangbang is a lot of emotional labor. 

Then being in that space, you want to know that you are being taken care of, you are safe. When you have a bunch of people all around you, it can be hard to know what’s going on sometimes. So having other people who are helping to create the space together, I agree it meant a lot to me that you were there. I knew that we were able to be in our power and own the space together.

Roxie: 

Yeah. It felt really good. 

Vanessa: 

Thank you so much for joining me yesterday and for joining us here on the podcast. 

Viewers, thank you for joining us today. 

This has been another edition of A Slut’s Guide to Happiness with your host, Vanessa Cliff and your baby queer, baby gay, Orion Pax III. 

You can find us wherever you get your podcasts, including Apple and Spotify, as well as on cliffmediaproductions.com. 

If you’re over the age of 18, you can also check out our video content on our website, cliffmediaproductions.com. 

And most of all, I invite you to join us in the pleasure of being awkwardly human, naked and without pretense. 

Let’s get free.