"Whore", defined: sex worker. But if you look up "whore" in any dictionary, the definition is almost always followed by words like "derogatory" or "offensive"....
Read MoreWritings from Cliff Media, a community-based porn production company.
I’m feeling big feels and one of my partners accurately observed that I have to share this otherwise I’m going to continue thinking and emoting about it all day long.
I seem to have blissfully forgotten how much junk can be explicit and normalized in the mainstream adult industry.
For context: At Cliff Media, we work hard to unlearn junk narratives that prevent us from all experiencing love and sexy joy. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, fatphobia, ageism and ableism often stand in the way of inclusive joy. Those junk narratives show up not only through intentional discrimination, but far more often through subtle implicit bias and internalized ideas about what constitutes “desirability”.
Our efforts to be inclusive are not perfect – and because of the degree to which these oppressive ideas are embedded in our society, reinforced by capitalism and deep social norms – we will never be perfect at unlearning junk. We are always trying, working to get better, especially by following the leadership of folks most impacted by oppression.
Our goals are not radical.
We’re not trying to overthrow society. We just want all kinds of people to have a good, sexy time, know they’re awesome and hot, and enjoy being in community together. Consent goes hand-in-hand with those goals, because sex is not a good time unless you want it.
I’ve gotten used to feeling at home in this work and community. So when I run up against reminders about how overtly discriminatory and non-consensual mainstream porn can be, it’s become a jolt to my system.
Here’s what’s got me feeling big feels today.
About a week ago, a friend of a friend kindly asked to hire me. Awesome, I appreciate the invite. She’s a relatively big name in the industry, and someone I otherwise value and respect. But here’s the problem…
She first proposed a storyline in which I reluctantly concede to having sex with another woman even though I don’t want to. I said I’d be excited to perform a lesbian scene as long as we could adapt the storyline to include respect for lesbian desire and enthusiastic consent (i.e. it’s clear in the storyline that the co-performer and I are fucking because we want to).
She said she’d check with the company owner. She’s the recruiter, not the decision-maker. The actual owner is a man, surprise surprise, such a common dynamic in the industry. When she said this, I assumed I wouldn’t hear back. I was genuinely shocked to receive a message today that the owner said “no” to my request… Ya’ll, this guy had the chutzpah to admit in writing that he would not be willing to include respect for lesbian desire and enthusiastic consent. In writing. Explicitly. You can’t make this shit up 🤯 🤯 🤯
Then she asked if I would participate in a scene about tiny dick humiliation. I told her I’d be more than happy to participate in a scene with co-performers who have small penises but I won’t shame someone for their dick size.
Not only does that run against my values, it also just doesn’t compute in my brain. I’ve heard people with small dicks (and people who are fat, or have acne, or have difficulty getting hard, or have a physical disability, etc.) talk about how much it impacts their self-esteem, ability to connect with others, and even their mental health. I want everyone to feel happy and loved. Shaming someone for their body feels like… I don’t know, eating your shoe, like I genuinely can’t imagine wanting to, knowingly, deliberately perpetuate emotional pain.
I’m feeling big feels just because this exchange happened this morning, but looking back on my earlier experiences in the mainstream industry, I know this isn’t rare. I’ve been asked to do (and had to reject) scenes that:
I guess I just haven’t been around the mainstream industry enough lately to remember how normal ideas like this are.
A couple months ago, a mainstream producer referred to Cliff Media’s efforts to represent all kinds of bodies and desires as beautiful as a “niche” in the industry.
It’s wild to consider this a niche.
Most people in the world don’t have big boobs, a tiny waist, a giant dick, and cum on command. If we’re being honest, a lot of pornstars don’t either. The prevalence of cosmetic modification in the industry shows just how unrealistic the norms of desirability run. The world is full of people of all body sizes, skin colors, sexual orientation, gender identity, ages, and body functions.
So if (almost) everyone wants to fuck, why would media represent only one tiny sliver of people as worthy of fucking, worthy of having the kind of sex they want, worthy of being respected and wanted while they’re having sex?
I intentionally excluded the names of any of the producers I referenced above because it’s not the point. This runs so much deeper; it’s about harmful systems of oppression reproduced over and over in media.
All I want is for you – all of you – to feel awesome and desired and confident and sexy and loved. I hope that, eventually, inclusive sex-positive community and porn becomes less a niche and more the industry-wide norm.
And the more Cliff Media grows – the more people I see get involved and the more positive feedback we receive online – the more that I know I am far from alone in this dream.
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