Welcome back to A Slut’s Guide to Happiness, where your body is perfectly imperfect and it’s safe to be as sexual, kinky, queer, or slutty as you want. 

This coming week, Cliff Media, the porn production company rooted in community organizing that I have the pleasure of running and participating in, is leading an LGBTQ+ shoot week. There are 20 activities, including some porn scenes, trainings and discussions, as well as a community mural that’s going up.

I am so excited to see queer folks, people with disabilities and Black, Indigenous and people of color coming together to tell their stories, to put their fantasies, their narratives, their life experiences and perspective right at the forefront. We’re declaring that our lives, our bodies matter. We own our sexuality exactly as it is. We get to do that in joy and love, and we get to do that as we’re messy and imperfect and human.

I’m so excited for what will come. I always feel, before shoot weeks like this, I have no idea. We make spreadsheets, we have lots of documents, we have lots of calls. We have scripts that are loosely leading what’s going to happen in the week. We do everything we can to be professional and prepare. 

And, we also very intentionally leave space for beautiful, productive chaos, for the unexpected. If you are not open to the possibilities that come when you meet new people in the world, you lose a lot of chances to grow. I really lean into imagining what can come from following the leadership and dreams and visions of other people, and just stay in awe of what collectively we create that no individual could create on their own.

One of the trainings that we are doing at this shoot week is a training on keeping yourself safe as a sex worker. I am so excited about this training for a lot of reasons. For one, we are destigmatizing the phrase “sex worker”. It’s absolutely a group of people that I love, that I belong to, that are part of a community that can be proud of the work that we do in the world, proud of the healing profession we are in.

It’s also incredible to me because there are three of us, different leaders within Cliff Media who are presenting this training, and we have all come with vastly different perspectives, despite each having years of experience in the industry, including full service sex work, porn production, content creation and online sharing of our media. 

Despite those shared experiences, we all have different approaches, which is so important because it is reflective of the broader approach that people have throughout society. Sex workers have a myriad of ways of keeping themselves safe in this deregulated space, in this often criminalized space. 

You are often alone. You’re not in a space where you have traditional employment. You don’t have a boss. You don’t even have the government protecting you. The government, in many cases, is a source of harm. You can be arrested in many places, depending on the area. 

For example, right now I’m in Portland where it’s a little bit looser. It’s a little bit safer in terms of criminalization. I grew up in Arizona, where I had friends who were arrested just walking down the wrong streets under a law prosecuting “intent to prostitute”. So it depends on the area. 

But in many cases you are not protected by the law. You’re not protected by an employer. These things mean that you’re in a much more vulnerable position than other jobs. It contributes to the enormous rate of assault, especially of Black, Indigenous and brown sex workers, especially of trans sex workers, especially of sex workers working on the street. This is a really serious problem. 

And without minimizing that, it is also true that there is this enormous, beautiful benefit, which is that you are your own damn boss. When you are your own boss, you get to define whatever it is that makes you your body, your spirit, your mind and your soul feel free and most powerful. So any approach that feels right for you to feel safe is the right answer. 

I’m going to share today an approach that is perhaps controversial, but it’s how I keep myself safe. I offer it as one among many perspectives. 

For me, one of my core grounding principles is that the most precious resource of my life is my attention. There are minutes throughout our lives, very few minutes if you count them up. It is wild how few minutes pass in our lives. But those minutes are what make up our lives. 

You can have many, many minutes go by just scrolling through Netflix. But you have expansive, unlimited moments depending on the extent to which you apply your energy, your attention, and your presence.

It makes me think of a lunch that I had at a Buddhist retreat. We were encouraged to pay attention to the food in a different way. I spent one hour not talking to anyone, just paying attention to the fact I was eating. That moment, which was only about 60 minutes, has radically transformed my experience of food and taking care of my body. Even though it was only one hour, it was a transformative moment. 

We always have the opportunity to experience moments like that. You can have a conversation with someone that lasts only five minutes, but there can be transformation in that moment.

Whatever it is that you give your attention to and, specifically whatever you allow your mind to process, to center whatever you center your life around, the meaning that you give to your life, the relationships you cultivate in your life, the thoughts you allow, feelings you foster, that’s what propels your life.

The sum total of your life is whatever you have paid attention to, the people that you have paid attention to, the values you have paid attention to. So when I think about keeping myself safe as a sex worker, it’s true that I do seek to protect my bodily safety. 

But for me, even more important than my bodily safety is protecting my attention because that is the most precious resource of my life. I can never get that back. You can’t get your attention back. You can’t get those moments back. And attention is what creates your life, propels your life. What you lean into is what creates your life. 

I think a lot about the phrase “Foster your hopes, not your fears.” Pay attention to your hopes, not your fears. Believe your hopes, not your fears. And those hopes will grow into dreams and grow into reality. 

As I keep myself safe as a sex worker, my primary driving force, what I focus on, is how can I protect my attention? I’m going to share some of the ways that that comes up on a practical level as I approach sex work.

This includes porn, full service sex work, online content. I used to do OnlyFans and ManyVids, that kind of world. Now I run a point production company, Cliff Media, where we put ourselves out there in all the ways, to share the beautiful joy of an inclusive, sex-positive community. I’m so proud of the work we do and the ability to share it with the world. 

So the first question that I have heard from lots of people, and this absolutely depends on your personal preference and your personal life context, is how to keep yourself safe around your contact information. There are many people who will use the fact that you’re out there and your contact information is available as a way of harassing you, as a way of trying to sext with you, as a way of trying to scare you, as a way of trying to get your attention or even get your sex, get sex with you, without any intent to pay you. 

These are all opportunities for you to practice protecting your sacred attention. 

One of the ways that you can protect yourself is by minimizing access to your contact information. It’s not my strategy, but it’s something that’s definitely available. 

All you can do is attempt to minimize people’s access to your contact information because there’s no way, in the internet age, to ensure that people can’t access you. Google exists. People can search through records to find you if they really want to. 

But in order to keep yourself a little bit safer, you could use a Google number instead of your personal phone. You could use a Skype number. These can show up on your phone through apps. On your end, it ends up just like if you were texting, you’ll get notifications, but other people won’t have your private number.

You can also get more secure email like ProtonMail. You can use apps like Signal or Snapchat. There are other more secure ways of communicating with people, and that can be a source of protection if you are a low profile worker, for example, if you’re not looking to have your face out publicly, if you’re not looking to do this as a full-time career or a  long-term gig. 

These strategies might make more sense for you if you are not looking to become more visible, or if that’s part of the way that you work in the world. They might also be relevant simply if you are looking to protect your attention. 

The approach that I have made is the opposite, to put out my personal phone number and my email very publicly. You can text me at 253-792-1401 and you can email me, Vanessa@vanessacliff.com or vanessa@cliffmediaproductions.com  

The reason I say that is to underscore the point that you could find my contact information by Googling me. You can find that on SexyJobs.com. You can find that on FetLife and Twitter. It’s out there publicly. You can find it on Cliff Media’s website, cliffmediaproductions.com. 

These are all spaces where I have shared myself publicly because I choose what happens when you contact me.

The way I keep myself safe is not by having that information hidden, but by being sacred with my boundaries. There’s a certain inevitability as you become more public, of being “doxed”, having your legal name, contact information and address shared publicly. The longer you do the work, the greater your chances that that will happen. 

I’ve experienced this multiple times. There was once a video that I did with Private Society, which is actually a company that I loved working with. The video was super hot. Someone shared it on a page called “Exposed” and put my legal name. They attempted to find my address. The address they gave was super old, so it didn’t quite work. 

They put my phone number out and a couple of people contacted me. If somebody contacts me with my legal name, which is functionally my dead name, I already know off the bat to ignore them unless they’re a health care provider or a government agency, because that’s a sign that they’re not respectful. Preferred names are so important. 

It was comical. Because someone was trying to shame me for being a sex worker. I’m so proud of doing this creative work, of sharing my sexuality with the world and trying to scare me by putting out my phone number, but I’ve already shared it publicly. 

One of the things that was really powerful to me is instead of having to fight it, to spend my time and attention, that most precious resource, trying to get it taken down, I was able to just laugh and ignore it because it goes back to one of the phrases that Audre Lorde says, I love that woman, a powerful queer author and critical thinker, she says, “Anything that you accept about yourself can’t be used as a weapon against you.”

Because I am proud to be a sex worker and I support sex workers and I’m out there publicly about it, if you want to let other people know that I’m a sex worker, thanks for helping to lift up the visibility of the work that we do.

With my contact information out now publicly, the way I maintain my emotional safety is by exercising strong boundaries. I get lots and lots of messages on FetLife, which I love. I appreciate that people are engaging, and there’s some people who send really beautiful messages. 

I’m really grateful because I love it when people see the value of the community that we’re building, see the impact of leaders who are putting themselves out bravely, who are embracing their bodies exactly as they are, who are loving each other and pushing beyond the exclusive ideas of who is valuable in the mainstream society. It means so much to me when people contact me about that. 

Then, of course, there are the things that lots of people send, especially to cis women that fit normative standards, and porn and sex workers in general. I get dick pics. I get messages like, you’re hot. I like your pussy. The thing that’s beautiful for me is I just ignore them. 

I also get people who say “I’m going to assault you” or “I’m going to come after you” or people who, you know, contact me in ways that are defamatory, people who are trying to scare me or shame me. Luckily, I know exactly where the block button is. It takes me two seconds and then I move on with my life. 

I can end communication with anyone any time. If someone starts communicating, and it seems like it might not be worth my time, if they move into a form of communication that is unprofessional or unkind, I can move on. I do not owe anyone the most precious resource of my life.

I am so grateful to connect with other people who are on the same page. I don’t do this as much, but in the past I did a lot of work where people would hire me for shoots. I would have clients. I’d have producers working with me. And if someone was professional, showed all the things that they needed to do – and I’ll talk about those things more in a moment – then absolutely, I’m here to engage.

But if somebody in that engagement came to a point where they were no longer being kind, respectful and professional, I can say thank you very much for your time. I hope you have a wonderful life. Sounds like we’re not in alignment, but I wish you well. Block their contact. The end. Done. 

It is no longer worth the little attention and moments in this life we all get. 

Another way that this comes up is as you’re deeply engaging with the people who are contacting you. I lean into the quote from Shania Twain, it’s kind of like taking wisdom from country music, but hey, you take wisdom wherever you can get it. 

Shania Twain style-attitude, “That don’t impress me much.” If someone contacts me – Soyou got one $1,000 you think you’re offering me? So you have a big online following? So you have a big dick. So you’re normatively attractive or have specific skills? That don’t impress me much. 

If you don’t respect me, I do not need you. And that is not an affront on you. I know that people are going through their own journeys. They’re trying to figure out how to kindly ask for connection. People are craving attention and human connection, and that is so real and so okay.

But it’s not my problem to support everyone on their journey. I cannot be there for everyone. No one can because we all have limited attention, and I want to spend my attention on the people who are committed to the same values, who are here to build creative, beautiful, joyful community. 

Other folks who are not ready for that trauma to heal themselves, I wish them happiness, but that’s not my project. If I am not respected, then I am not engaging. I begin conversations with co-stars, producers, new community members with a kind of office-level professionalism. 

I’m friendly, I send heart emojis because I love all humans, right? But I am not sexting. I’m not there to flirt. I have people in my life. I have lots of partners and fuck buddies. They flirt with them, after a certain level of trust. You put trust, marbles into the jar and you wait until the jar is full before that person deserves your energy. 

While I’m organizing a plan, I don’t discuss scene plans until other pieces are put in place that demonstrate that this is professional. I’ve learned this the hard way, right as I was going through my initial career, scene planning is often used as a way to as a ruse for sexting.

I don’t need to plan out the details of our sexual interaction until I am sure that we are discussing a professional gig. The ways that I get sure about that include basics like: have we exchanged STI results? My sexual health matters and if you don’t respect my sexual health, why would I think that you’re also going to respect my sexual boundaries, my perspectives, my values, my emotional boundaries.

It’s really important to me that you have demonstrated that respect for STI results. We schedule a time for a shoot. We talk about rates, if that’s relevant, if it’s a professional paid engagement. Once we have discussed the professional pieces, then it makes sense to discuss the scenes. 

We can plan the creative stuff. We can make sure we have the props that we need, we have the right angles and a set and all of that. I love engaging with that when it’s for real. But the way that I protect my attention and not engage with that is to first ensure that someone is for real. If any time throughout that conversation, someone is rude or unkind or refusing to engage professionally, I just politely let them know that we’re not in alignment and I move on with my life.

Other people’s inability to engage kindly and respectfully is unrelated to me. It’s not about me, which is fine. That means that I can carry on with my life.

When I’m engaging with people, when I’m looking to set up sex work engagements, I am watching out for red flags, the ways to preserve my time and emotional energy. Your attention is the most precious resource of your life, even if you are struggling for income sometimes, perhaps especially if you are struggling for income, people who want to get your attention, harass you, sext with you, flirt with you, or negotiate in unprofessional ways are not worth your time and attention.

I have had circumstances where I am close to broke. Getting to the point where you’re scared about how you’re going to pay rent is a really hard place to be. I feel you if you’re in that place, it’s easy to fall into trap of accepting what your rational mind would know are illegitimate offers. 

I’ll share real example of this. At a time when I was completely broke – because it was right after OnlyFans shut down my account – someone said I have $16,000 for you if you come and do 20 scenes throughout the week. I fell for that one early in my career. That is not worth your time. 

If they don’t have a contract or they don’t have STI results, if they don’t have an idea or they don’t have something that feels realistic, trust your gut, trust your spidey sense. If you are allowing desperation to lower your boundaries, that’s not going to result in more money, that’s just going to waste your time. 

Regardless of your situation, being religious about your boundaries will help you to not only stay safe, but also be effective. 

Here are some red flags that I consider when I’m working with someone. 

First, you are not obligated as a sex worker to do anything. If somebody is not respecting your boundaries, trying to convince you to change your boundaries, trying to tell you that xyz is exactly how other sex workers act, or you have to do something in particular in order to get good in your career. They expose themselves as a disrespectful client. You don’t need them. 

For example, if you decide that you require STI results with a certain recency, go for it. If you decide that you only have sex with condoms, go for it. If you don’t discuss certain topics in video calls, if you don’t engage in certain sex acts while you’re camming, if you don’t discuss certain things or put out certain things on your OnlyFans, go for it.

Those are your boundaries. You don’t have to do anything to get money in this industry to be successful, to make other people happy. Quality clients, meaning the people who are going to treat you well, who are going to be a good use of your time and attention, who are going to be a source of joy in your life and a source of money, the clients that are going to come back, are the clients who respect your boundaries. 

If you’re asking for STI results and someone sends you screenshots that don’t have a legal name or a date and it looks pretty vague, there is a chance, potentially a high chance, that that is ripped from the internet. It’s pretty easy to just go online and get a picture of results that are positive. You want to be asking for things like name and date. 

Another thing is that, there’s no reason a prospective client, producer or costar can’t send you their ID even if you’re doing full service sex work. It’s useful to screen to make sure that a client is not a cop, especially depending on which area you’re living in.

If you’re living in a more conservative area, an area where there is more persecution of sex work, more criminalization of sex work, that’s a useful strategy to keep yourself safe. And if someone refuses to do so, it’s totally within your right to walk away, that’s a red flag. 

If you’re filming a scene, even if the producer is exclusively keeping the content, a release form is needed for legal compliance, so it’s a way to keep yourself legally safe. 

Some people who are new to porn may not know about release forms or may not have one. That’s totally fine. I send people a template. I’m happy to help walk them through that process, but they need to be ready for it. Anyone who refuses to sign a release form is a red flag. 

I almost always go to gigs on my own, and a personal preference goes back to the same ethos. The way I keep myself safe is through protecting my own boundaries, being really firm with my own boundaries. I don’t have a problem in that space just walking away when I’m uncomfortable. 

I do know that there are other people who really value having another person there, which is a completely fine strategy, and any quality client, producer or co-star is going to respect that because that is your choice to help keep yourself safe.

If someone asks you to meet in a location that feels unsafe, it could be an illegal location or an uncomfortable outdoor location. 

I once had someone ask to meet me at their uncle’s house. They didn’t have a key, but they were going to walk around the back. I told them, that’s super scary. But again, it was the beginning of my career. I went and then I ended up being assaulted. 

I want to put it out there that I have learned a lot the hard way. If you’re new and fumbling, oh my gosh, I see you. Be gentle with yourself for the mistakes that you make on the way. Those mistakes are actually valuable learning opportunities.

If someone asks you to meet in a location that makes you feel unsafe, trust those spidey senses. Those senses in your body are critical information. Feel free to leave when you get there, no matter how deep you are into the conversation. 

You do not owe anyone your time or attention. You don’t know anyone anything. You are your own boss, so take charge of that. 

Another really important thing, and this is huge, always get money before performing sex acts. If you are not getting paid, that is wage theft and potentially that is sexual assault, because the terms on which you have agreed to have sex, whether that’s full service sex or porn, is through a financial engagement.

Once you have had sex, it’s easy for the person to just walk out and then you’re left with nothing. That has happened to me too. The way to ensure that that doesn’t happen is to get cold cash, CashApp, Venmo or Zelle in advance. Strongly discourage checks because it’s easy for someone to just cancel that check or for there to be no money in their bank account.

If you get that real hard cash in hand before then, that helps you ensure that this is a professional engagement. 

Then finally, even if someone has already paid you, you do not owe anyone your body, your time, your attention, your emotional safety. If someone is violating your boundaries, failing to respect your consent, you can leave at any time. There is no amount of money that obligates you to withstand non-consensual or assaultive behavior. 

If something has happened – and as I mentioned, it happens a lot, I’ve been assaulted physically, I’ve had people threaten me in person, and had many attacks online – the way I respond to assault, to harassing texts or emails is to walk away or block them. They’re not worth my time and the very best revenge is a happy life.

You cannot deter me from this path of focusing on joy, on good-hearted people and the vision of community that is mine. Nobody can take your attention. You choose to give your attention to people. 

There are many incidents, especially when in the beginning, especially if your body has been harmed, your money has been taken, if a lot of your attention was taken because you thought you were leading to something productive and it turned out to not work, that can be really painful. 

I think one of the things that’s critical is to remember that you are a badass. One of the really powerful, repetitive, and frankly boring ways that people try to take our attention and try to cut us down, try to hurt us, try to harm our emotional safety is through shame.

You whore! You slut! What are you doing with your life? You have destroyed your life. Look at this. You are going into chaos. You’re going down a bad road. 

What it tells me is that that person is insecure or missing love, or feeling disconnected or hurting. That is why they’re trying to hurt me. And that is their journey. That is their journey, not mine. 

I know that I am having fun. I love sex. I know that I’m connecting with people. I love being around people. I love performing, I love creativity. And this is a healing profession. There’s so much powerful healing that happens when people are able to connect sexually. 

When people are able to experience new sexual acts they haven’t done, or to put themselves out publicly on camera, or to have the kind of emotional intimacy that comes from really quality, sex, sexual engagements, whether that’s porn or full service sex work, online camming, so much of that can be deeply healing in a way. 

Sometimes it’s a lot like counseling, but a step beyond that. Sometimes it’s addressing loneliness. Sometimes it’s helping people move through fear of engaging with someone of the same gender, or fear of having a kinky interaction that they’ve been craving, but they were ashamed of. And then they experience it with the sex work and they realize, oh, actually, I can do this, or I’ve gotten this moment, this dream fulfilled.

So many of those things are healing, beautiful moments. You help people break free. You help people break free from loneliness, from fear, from shame. These are powerful experiences. Even if you’re just having fun, you help people have a more joyful, fun life. If you’re making someone laugh or smile, you are doing something meaningful. 

So you out there, you sex worker, you badass, remember that you are doing something awesome with your life, and anyone who doesn’t get that is on their own journey. May they have the experience of unlearning whorephobia, may they have someone in their life, or some interaction of some moment that helps them unlearn that. 

May they encounter an experience that helps them join this radical freedom in our society, that helps them understand that one of the powerful things about being alive is that we are in charge of our own bodies and our own choices, and our time and our attention.

We get to choose how we engage, how we engage our sexuality, what kind of labor we do, and you are a badass. Nobody gets to take that away from you. Nobody gets to make you feel ashamed. You can choose to have pride.

To me, that is one of the most important ways that I heal.

But there’s also a lot of other things that can come up. For example, if you’re physically assaulted or if somebody has not paid you, which is functionally sexual assault, or if someone is harassing you and it triggers something that is unhealed in you, if you’re scared, if you’re going through an experience that’s just really rough, you may need more. 

These incidents do happen and happen the most for marginalized populations, for Black, Indigenous and people of color in this industry, or trans folks in this industry or street workers, lower-income folks in this industry. 

Your two biggest resources, when those incidents happen are, (1) your own brave heart protecting you and (2) other sex worker friends and community. There are a lot of us out there. 

The terrible thing about the stigmatization and criminalization of sex work is that it’s difficult for us to see each other. If we all worked atSubway, we could wear Subway shirts out in the world. We all worked at Target, we’d have red out in the world, people would be like, hey, I see you. We also don’t have unified locations. A lot of us are on our own, in our own homes, going to our own hotels, and often it’s difficult to identify who else is a sex worker, but they’re out there. 

There are sex worker organizations in most states throughout the country. There are porn production companies rooted in community organizing. There are people online, on Twitter, on Reddit, on Tumblr, on FetLife who have support groups of other sex workers. The Pineapple Support Network is an organization that I love that provides free counseling, connection, and support groups for sex workers.

There are lots of ways to get connected, and being able to reach out to someone is super powerful. 

It can be hard to reach out, once again, going back to shame. Shame is one of the most corrosive emotions in our lives. And I’ve experienced it a lot. Early in my sex work career, I felt a lot of embarrassment for falling for things. 

Once this guy contacted me and he was promising me to get me down to an agency in L.A. or whatever, and I ended up sending him $300 for nothing and he disappeared. I felt so stupid, like, why did I do that? 

I had someone while I was doing camming work who ended up telling me that they were going to help me train and become really skilled at it. They ended up doing like a two hour free sexting session. Why did I do this? 

I went to somebody one time where there was a non-consensual interaction during porn, and I said the safe word three times and he ignored me. After that I said, it’s okay and I just kept going. At the time, I felt like I needed to because he had paid me. 

Looking back on those things, I’m like, what was I doing? Even immediately after each moment, I was so embarrassed. I was ashamed that I didn’t know better. 

But this is so common, especially as we’re trying to figure out the industry. Who do we trust? What are red flags? What are our boundaries? Things are going to happen, and if you reach out to other sex workers, I can almost guarantee you that some version of what you’re going through. 

There are other people who relate. There’s no map to learning how to be a sex worker. You got you as your own boss. You also have to figure it out on your own. You’re constantly pivoting. You’re working around an industry that doesn’t have structures and safety. 

There’s no OSHA for sex workers. There’s no place where you can go and commiserate with other sex workers in a break room. There are websites that will constantly shut you down, depending on inconsistently enforced rules. It’s hard. 

So when things happen to, that is part of the almost universal experience of sex work. That is not about you. May you let go of those junk narratives, including the junk narrative that being a whore is a problem. Carry on with your bad self. Unkind, disrespectful, harassing, nonconsensual, or violent behavior is the problem of the person who did it, not yours.

Anything that you are struggling with as a result of that person’s problem is completely okay. We are all coming from different places. We have different experiences of childhood trauma, of trauma as adults. We have different experiences of how we have confronted racism or sexism or homophobia or classism or transphobia in the world, which all adds to another layer of exhaustion.

When something comes at us, it’s not just ground zero that we’re dealing with, it’s added on to this layer of existing struggle that we go through and an unequal, unfree society. So for some people, it can just be like the straw that broke the camel’s back. That is okay. 

It is okay not to be okay in a society that we were not meant to survive in, a society that doesn’t want many of us to be here, especially not to be safe and proud and take up space. It absolutely makes sense to struggle sometimes.

So may you give yourself grace, may you feel okay to reach out to other people and say, hey fellow sex worker, I am not okay right now. I can’t do this, I am crying, I am in my home. T

There was one time where somebody threatened me so much that I locked the doors of my house. I barred up my windows and I stayed inside for a full day because I was scared. In retrospect, I realize that that person stole my attention for another day. They did not deserve my attention. 

Now, if something happens like that, because it does, threats and assaults happen, my response now is to carry on  with my exciting, happy life. But at the time, I was really scared. And that’s okay. Looking back, I understand where my healing, trauma and my processes were happening. 

I encourage you to allow yourself to not be okay and to reach out to other people who will relate. There may be some people who try to shame you because sex workers are a population of folks that other people love to hate on. That is their problem.

But you will find other people who do love you, and those people who do love you are some of your most valuable resources. They can help you figure things out. They can just be present with you, sit with you and witness and say like, yeah, me too. It sucks. I’m here with you. You are not alone. 

Sometimes when I’m not okay, other sex worker friends can also help you figure out how to get resources if you need it, like healthcare resources, counseling, housing. There are resources out in the community that are specifically for us as sex workers. They may be harder to find but those organizations are out there. 

And then there are sex workers, other sex workers in the community, other sex worker friends, whether communities online or in-person, that can help you give you strategies for how to protect yourself in the future, how to pick yourself back up, how to be safer or more effective in your future challenge and your work in your career.

So reaching out can be really helpful.

Then last, just give yourself space. Healing has no timeline, and you are not responsible for anyone else’s expectations of you. 

I really hope that if you’re a sex worker and it’s something that you want to do because it’s a beautiful profession, if it’s one that’s making you happy, if it’s one that feels like it’s worth your most precious resource, your attention in your life, if that’s true for you, I hope you are rocking on with your bad self. 

I hope you are able to exercise those fierce boundaries to keep yourself safe, to say my time is so precious in this world. I am so valuable that I am not afraid of you contacting me, of you trying to engage with me because I have standards for how I engage with you. 

I know that I will only pay attention to you, I will only give you my attention if you are what I want in my life. I’m in charge. No matter what you try to do, giving my attention is my choice. 

That is your choice to make, to give your attention. I believe that is the core of what will help to keep you safe. You choose where you give your attention because you are worth it. You are a badass. You are worth protecting your own boundaries, your own love. 

If you need support, Cliff Media’s community is also here for you. Reach out to us. We love to talk with other people. Connect, build, grow. Community online and in-person. 

I hope that you have a fantastic time in your career. Much love. 

And for folks who are listening who are not sex workers, may this be an opportunity for you to remind you to reach out to any sex workers you know or anyone that you need on your path and say, rock on with your bad self, to support them and to help other people unlearn the real whorephobia that exists in this world. Your support can help to foster a safer, warmer space for people who are working in this industry.

There are so many of us out there. And I wish you all well. 

This has been another edition of A Slut’s Guide to Happiness with your host, Vanessa Cliff. 

You can find this wherever you get your podcasts, including Apple and Spotify, as well as on cliffmediaproductions.com. 

Please help us by liking and sharing this podcast, and stay tuned for more deep dives into beautiful, messy waters.

If you’re over the age of 18, you can check out our video content on our website, cliffmediaproductions.com. 

And most of all, I invite you to join us in the pleasure of being awkwardly human, naked and without pretense. 

Let’s get free.